1-24-2012 (11:40pm)
The last thing out of my mouth today was something to the effect that all artists operate with a certain level of shallowness. No artist fully understands the pieces they are making. I have to believe this because, obviously once a piece is made and put into the world, each recipient or audience member will allow it to enter into their world, through their eyes and with their own personal reference points. Whatever mood, tone, state that the piece is borne of is, more often than not, ultimately cleansed from the object itself during the creative process .

This is a safe explanation of why I think that artists can never really know what they are doing. This goes for all types of art, there is no way for a musician to know that a song they wrote could become a valuable piece of nostalgia or that it could come to symbolize anything besides its initial intention.

The argument continues that if an artist claims to know exactly what he or she is doing, then they are full of shit.

Now I have to rewind a bit, because even though an artist doesn’t necessarily know the effect of a piece of work on the world once it is created, do artists have to have a distinct purpose for every single act during its creation? I mean is the act of creation the answering of these questions, or is it a collection of answers already resolved? Or should it be one or the other? My only conclusion is my basic belief in what art, in itself, is. I believe it is a manifestation of the human spirit, in it's yearning, humility, and emotions. This is a liberating idea should allow one to create freely and safely, making according to how I feel, still choosing consciously, but accepting the answers and solutions that come.

This same idea can be paralyzing, as well, if taken too seriously.

Sunday, January 1st, 2012 (8:31am)
The end of the world begins today.
I've been waiting a long time to see what the Mayan's were talking about.
I feel like I've been waiting since before everyone knew about it.
Last night on a Skype conversation,
this subject came up, and my only comment was
"It's fine if the end of the world happens this year,
I'm up to my eyeballs in debt."
maybe I'm too old now for that to be funny.
I was speaking to a mother and a couple trying to start a family.
And aparrently the apocalypse this year would be a tragedy for thier families.
and do I really have nothing to lose?
I 'know' this won't be the end of times
I would never be so lucky actually see it (another running joke)
(speaking of which, happy birthday to me, merry christmas, etc.)
my curiousity remains unsatisfied,
until around this time next year
then we'll know something, I think.
at any rate, at least this year will be different
this is it, this is the end
so I will jump at the opportunity to wish you
The Finaly Happy New Year!

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